Squirrels Suck. That is all.

T-Bomb!
It is fall 2022. No really.
I have no idea where the last few months went.  As a matter of fact, the last couple of years are not to clear to me either... just saying.

I mean I guess I did get married. And we did go on a lovely adventure to London. And I did plant a garden and grow some beautiful produce this year..
​But still. What the hell. It's almost November! 

Front porch... where the battles ensue.

So speaking of fall...
I have been in a war with the squirrels in my neighborhood. We have had a few different battles in the couple of years since I moved to the new house, but this fall it has escalate to all out DEFCON 1 WAR! Yeah, that is right... it's gone nuclear and imminent death will ensue... well maybe not really... But let me explain.

Squirrel watching me work from the front porch.

First of all it is important to know that city squirrels are not like country squirrels.
I have encountered many country squirrels in my lifetime. We even had one in our house once years ago. They can be very naughty and messy, but usually they are tolerable. Just make sure you put your bird seed in a metal container or they will chew through whatever you have tried to store the seed in and eat ALL of it. Most squirrel-proof feeders and other squirrel deterrents will keep them at bay. Sometimes it is actually entertaining to watch them try to get into things like a squirrel-proof feeder. Again, they are tolerable...the country squirrels. JUST the country squirrels.

But city squirrels are different... 
They destroy EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING!
They get into every feeder I put out. I have tried adding baffles (like cone shaped plastic things meant to keep them from climbing the feeder post.) They just jump from the tree tops down to the feeders or they scale the bird bath and shoot over to the feeder like they are Rocky from Rocky and Bullwinkle! I move the hanger posts all over to try to find places where they can't drop from the trees and they figure out a different way to get in them. They have learned to balance their weight so they don't pull down the stoppers on the squirrel-proof feeders. They have eaten trough the plastic garbage cans we have, like literally the big hard plastic ones the garbage company give you for your garbage, I don't use these for seed or anything!!! I have to be careful when I take out the garbage as they jump out at me! Cause they eat the GARBAGE!!!
​And that is only the beginning of their deviousness!

Sometimes Rocky misses the target! (insert evil laugh!)

So the big thing(s) they are eating right now that has put me into a total declaration of WAR are all of MY PUMPKINS! THEY ARE EATING EVERY PUMPKIN I HAVE IN MY YARD! I have done everything to try to stop this from happening. I have read/watched every blog post, Pinterest post, helpful tip, YouTube video, TikTok (just kidding I don't watch TikTok.) out there about how to stop them. NOTHING WORKS! (Maybe I need TikTok?)

Pumpkins before squirrels.

Pumpkin after squirrels.

This is what people say to do:

• Cover the pumpkins with vaseline. ✔️ That just made a sticky mess and didn't work,
• Sprinkle them with cayenne pepper. ✔️ Nope, I think they were thinking "yummy, spicy pumpkins."
• Spray them with WD40. ✔️ Now my entire yard is chemically contaminated... and it didn't work!
• Spry them with clear coat polyurethane. ✔️ I think that just made them shiny and more noticeable! NOPE!
• Spray them with animal deterrent. ✔️ That just made everything stink and didn't work. I HAVE TRIE FIVE DIFFERENT BRANDS!!! NONE OF THEM WORK!!!
• Use an owl statue... This one is my favorite. ✔️ BUT IT DIDN'T WORK! But they are kind of cute and fallish looking. right?

Look, I really don't want to hurt the squirrels, I just want them to stop eating every pumpkin I put out. I actually grew a bunch of beautiful pumpkins this year and I was so proud of them. BUT NOOOOOO! Squirrel snacks!
Oh, and then this happened...

Squirrels sending me a message like the horse head from the Godfather... p.s. ignore the messy crap on the floor of my car. I blame the squirrels for that too! GRRRRR!

When I went to get into my car the other day there was half of one of my small pumpkins sitting right under my car door. It was like a Godfather move! They are trying to send me a message! It's like they are saying just give up Kelly, you are not winning. They even got into the pumpkins I had in the hanging lanterns! 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

They even got the ones in the hanging lanterns.

Well those squirrels don't know me! I'm not giving up yet!
I'll see you in HELL you filthy bastards! 

Anyone have a live hawk I can borrow? I mean I can't kill the squirrels, but if something else does I think I am ok with it! Maybe like a rescue hawk or something?
I am open to ideas...
Anyway... I hope you are having a lovely fall and no one is eating your pumpkins!
​TTFN